Read confession
Sent to a friend This is pretty long, I'm just warning you right now.This is also my first post. So I'm a confessions-virgin...
I can't even tell you when it started. Maybe it started innocently...maybe not. But overall, we're both married and it shouldn't have escalated to this point.
I got married only a short year and a half ago, and "Ryan" has been married for 8 years. We ironically have the same wedding day and everything.
WELL,
About 4 months ago, we went out for drinks on a professional level and had a lot of fun. We had known each other for about a year and a half at this point, and it never was over the line. I was attracted to him this entire time, but as a married woman, there was only an innocent attraction. I can't speak for him, but he never EVER went over the line in any regard, so i can only assume it was an innocent attraction for him as well.
Ryan and I went out for drinks for a few hours one Friday afternoon and it ended there. But we made plans for another Friday afternoon the following week, where it turned less innocent on us.
We ended up hooking up in his car when both of us had a few drinks (4 myself). We made out for a while and he went up my shirt, but I couldn't do anything but think about him and that incident for a few weeks (over Christmas, etc.)
In January we allowed this to progress to the next level. We would meet from time to time and hook up in his or my car, I'd give him a blow job or he'd go down my pants. We finally had sex about a month after this when my husband was out of town and he was able to sneak out of his house for a couple of hours on a weekend.
Well since then, we had a few hotel trips and have had sex dozens of times. And it's been the best sex of my life. He touches me like no man I've ever been touched by. His tongue is like a racecar on my pussy, and he loves eating me. He describes it like it's candy, and he can't get enough. I love it. He and I have fucked for hours, and will again and again. WE just can't get enough of each other.
The major problem for me is that my marriage should be described as "happy." My husband and I have no "issues" that I could really complain about. Every couple has problems, and I could name a dozen or so things that piss me off, but nothing worth divorcing his ass over.
But most recently, Ryan and I are spending a LOT of time together, and I think we're both falling in love. It's really not a good situation, and for him, he has 2 children. His marriage is a lot worse than mine, and he's said he's been very close to leaving his wife in the past, before they had children. I feel as though it would be "easy" for him to leave (other than the fact that he has 2 kids...and makes good money), and that if the time came, it would be very tough for me.
I tend to create problems in my relationship with my husband lately, almost making reasons to end what we have. His family is great, and mine love him. Also, my friends also love him to death. Because of all this, I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO. I mean that, even my best friend. She loves my husband too, and I feel she'd tell him if I ever confided in her.
I have thought about going to a therapist, but frankly, I'm scared about this. I don't feel as though I can just tell ANYone about my issues, and that they would judge me. i feel that this particular therapist would tell me that I should end what I'm doing with Ryan (like it's that easy), and look at me like I'm a slut.
I have some issues in my past (who doesn't?), but can't blame any one thing on what I did. I don't even really have a reason for cheating to begin with. I have cheated in the past (before we got married...we have been together for 7 years total), and probably should have ended it a long time ago when I cheated before, but I thought I was done with that 4 years ago before Ryan came along.
It's like I meet a really great person and allow myself to be almost manipulated. He never once pressured me...not once. and he's just as married as I am...but at the same time...I KNOW my judgement was terrible.
I had to get this out somewhere. Like I said, I have no one to talk to, and I just don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel like I should repair my marriage. Sometimes I want to leave him. Right now we're in a huge fight (not very important...but he pissed me off majorly), and it's pressing on me. I guess i just needed to have someone else hear my story and give me some feedback. I know there are going to be people on here judging me for cheating. But life is SO complicated.
I just want to know WHY I did this. I just want to know what to do.
Rating:4.67
